Lessons from a Broken Lamp

Hebrews 3:13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

One of the ways I believe we encourage one another and reach those that are lost with the message of Christ is by sharing with everyone we come in contact with how God is working in our lives and speaking to us.   I believe there is not enough Christians doing this and I was convicted in my own life, to not just share it with those that I know would be excited, but to share it with those that don't know Christ and maybe would think I was foolish because who can deny the joy of an awesome God who reaches down and touches the lives of insignificant people?

To understand what I'm about to share, I must step back and share some history.  Back ~8 years ago, when my oldest was ~5, I had a beautiful lamp in my bedroom.  It was one of those that have a bottom light and a top light, when you turn the switch first the bottom light lights up, when you turn it again the top light lights up and when you turn it a third time both lights light up.  It was beautiful with roses and leaves and opaque glass.  My oldest son was drawn to it and liked the switch, which he called a key, and if he turned it the opposite way it would come out.  Invariably he did this and then we could not find the key.  But I held onto the lamp because I believed the key would turn up.  When we moved from that home, I remember thinking, "Now I'll find the key!" but I didn't.  For 6 years at our new home, I've had this lamp in my storage room, unable to part with it even though it would not function without the key.  About a month ago, I spied it in there and decided to get it out and put it on my dresser, hoping to prompt myself to remember to check at stores to see if I could buy a replacement key.

Now, back to last week.  On Monday, I was having a hard day....I was struggling with self-defeating thoughts, felt our school day was a failure, felt discouraged about having to "nag" the kids to keep them on task, felt weary of the never-ending things to do around the home like laundry, dishes, meals, dirt, clutter and to top it all off I hadn't finished my BSF lesson for that night.  I was in tears when Ted came home and determined that I would skip BSF and just sit home by myself, while he and the kids went to the buck pole.  But guilt being what it is, I changed my mind at the last moment and went up to change to go to BSF.  I did something by my dresser and in horror, watched the lamp fall and shatter all over the floor.  I just stood there and wanted to cry, it was the straw that broke the camel's back (or so I thought).  But then amidst all the broken pieces, my eyes caught sight of the key!  And instead of bringing me joy, it made me angry!  I cried out, "Oh that's just great God!  Now that the lamp is broken, I find the key!  Thanks a lot!"  I turned and left my room and left all the broken pieces where they had fallen.  I could not deal with cleaning it up, I could not deal with the disappointment and irony.

I went to BSF and was greatly blessed and my week flew by.  But over the course of the week, thoughts of anger and hurt kept coming to mind whenever I thought about someone who is very dear to me, who sought God's and my comfort during a very difficult time but has since "disappeared again", distancing himself from our family and from God.  I can only conclude that he's "lost" once again.  As those feelings of anger and hurt would surface, I knew I shouldn't feel them, but should love him all the more, but another worldly voice would whisper that he's hopeless and not worth the effort.

I woke up Thursday and saw the broken pieces and the key still laying on the floor and got it into my head that I was going to glue it back together now that I finally had the key!  God wouldn't have let me find the key, just to throw it away I reasoned.  So I gathered up all the pieces I could find, grabbed the superglue and with the help of my children began piecing the top globe together.  Hope surged in my heart because the kids were finding matches quicker than I could glue them.  We worked on it for a good half hour, then decided to let it sit until later to attempt more.  I had superglue all over my fingertips and if you've ever had that, you know how annoying it is!

 Later on that day, a friend came over and I was telling her about my stubbornness to repair the lamp and before I knew it, she was fitting pieces in for me to glue.

As we worked together, I kept giggling and shaking my head because it was clear that the globe would never look whole again - pieces were missing, some pieces were sticking out and the reflection of dried superglue was everywhere.  I thought to myself, "We're working so hard on this, and yet some may see it later and think it is a piece of junk and question my sanity in keeping it and using it.  I would've been one of those people - seeing only something useless and ugly - if I hadn't waited for it for so long.  Now I can do nothing but save it because I've waited soooo long to use it, waited so long for the key to be found and darned if I'm going to throw it away now."  As we worked together, I was so thankful for my friend, who may be thinking those very same thoughts, yet suffered superglued fingers herself to help me recreate something once beautiful.

By Friday morning, there were only a few pieces left to superglue in place, so with anticipation,  I began doing so.  As I worked quietly by myself, God whispered into my heart and thoughts.....

"Charli, I feel the same way about that person in your life that you are hurt and angry at as,  you feel about this lamp.  You've waited over 8 years to see light shine from it again, I've waited a lifetime to see my light shine from him, to be with him again.  Your longing to finally have that lamp working, is only a smidgen of my longing to be in relationship with him.  That is how I feel about everyone....about you....about all those the world says are hopeless.  You couldn't throw away the pieces because you loved this lamp, I cannot throw away you or your brother or your friend or your enemy because I LOVE each one."

Tears began streaming down my face as I looked on this messy, ugly (by anyone's standard) globe in front of me.  In it I saw myself, I saw my cracks, my imperfections, my black holes that no earthly thing can fill, my attempts to hold things together with imperfect "glue" or "masks".

 Who was I to give up on that person, to say he'd hurt me for the last time, to harden my heart against him, when I was just as broken as he is???  God is the one who picks up all the broken pieces of our lives and puts them back together and He does a more perfect job than I could ever do.

As I received His teaching that morning, I was brought low once again by how He loves ME....that He does speak to ME....I heard His voice that morning, no doubt about it.  It wasn't audible, but in my head and heart it was undeniable.  Who am I Lord that You are mindful of me???  "What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?  Thanks be go God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Rom 7:24-25)  And He longs to speak to each of us in the same way, but do we listen?  I sought His forgiveness for my hardness of heart and lack of love, then I thanked Him - like David did - for loving me.

Some pieces never made it back into my lamp and over the course of our lives, there are some pieces of our hearts that go missing or are broken beyond repair....

But the story doesn't end there....

When I had finished, I set the weakened globe on it's stand, plugged in the lamp and turned the key.  And light shone forth....even where pieces were now missing, only brighter there.  How like our lives that is....areas in my life where trials or hardships have taken a piece out of me, through the years of depression - His light shines stronger and brighter through because He has the victory!

Since that morning, I've been like the Samartian woman at the well, leaving behind her watering jar and running into town to tell everyone about this Jesus she met!  He is too sweet, too good, too kind, too merciful, too loving to NOT share!  I'm even taking the lamp with us on Thanksgiving to share what God taught me to my family.

As I was telling my sister, she pointed out something else cool!  The key must've been hidden inside the lamp all these years.... just as the key to joy and to God is hidden in each person's heart from the beginning.

Have you found the key inside you?  If not, ask and the door will be opened to you.   Call me and we'll pray together.  And if you have, is your light shining before men so that they may see...and praise your Father in heaven?  May the joy He gives us, never be hidden but allowed to shine on all we come in contact with!  You can bet that I'll never discard that imperfect lamp because of the lessons God taught me through it.  Now each time I use it, it is a reminder of His love for me.