Walking Down Memory Lane

Today I've been having fun showing the kids the music I used to listen to when I was their age - just to show them Mom used to rock it out. I laughed so hard watching these videos....they were sweet in the 80's! I saw these guys in concert numerous times!

We Hope

“Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter.

Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom,

but we hope it, we know it.”

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Multitude Mondays

"If you can't gratefully work with what God's given you today, 
how can He entrust you with much tomorrow?"

352.   discussing Little Dorrit with my kids and what lessons Dickens is trying to teach
353.   Jake encouraging me to learn the F chord
354.   awareness to see my children in the moment and realizing how quickly they are growing
355.  Annie dropping a ball at my feet, resting her head on my knee and looking expectantly at me with tail wagging
356.  phone call from my mom, hearing all about how she just "had to" organize my aunt's home and finding the irony in how I do the same thing to her
367.  boys spying bluebirds at the feeders
368.  collecting eggs

369.  acts of love - husband bringing home flowers and his twist on presenting them so I'll laugh

370.  time for friends to pour hearts out to one another
371.  diligence that Isaiah displays in doing his chores, what others do in 1 1/2 minutes, he takes 4 to do.

372.   the ride home from BSF and hearing how God is teaching my children lessons thru the book of John
373.  new kitchen table and hutch - now our family isn't as scrunched around the table at meal times and we have an awesome place to store all our daily homeschool books and God made the price right

374.  conviction...seems like every week I'm confessing how God convicts me, to some that may seem to speak of how much I struggle with my sin nature, Thanks be to God that He convicts me!
375.  compliment from someone that they appreciate the church website that I work on
376.  looking forward to Homeschool Conference this weekend - can't wait to be encouraged and reminded again what I loose sight of all too often - God's laid it on my heart to do life with them, raise them and train them in ALL things
377.  nature, God's gift to me that brings joy to my day, cracking the window to take pictures from inside the warm house and hearing the  birds' songs - what I miss when I hurry from one thing to the next inside my little home - chickadees, grey squirrels, fox squirrels, red squirrels, nuthatches, downy woodpeckers, goldfinches, doves, hairy woodpeckers, tufted titmouse

378.   Building in four times a day - affirmations, embraces, focusing on love.  It's amazing how it changes my marriage.
379. giggles from the bathtub

Watch Over My Heart

This past weekend, Ted said I was having a heart attack, but what I know is that it was just intense, physical pain brought on by the awareness of how I fail Christ and the bride of Christ.  You see, God's led me to a place of leadership within our local body, a place I vehemently did not want to go, but I knew God wanted my obedience.  I often say, "I don't know what God is thinking having me lead worship", but time and time again I recognize that it has been a good place for me because it has heightened my awareness of pride vs humility.  Whenever God calls me from this ministry or God brings someone better equipped to lead this ministry, my prayer is that it will be said of me that, "It wasn't about Charli.  It was all about HIM."

That is my prayer, but to be honest, I'm repeatedly reminded that without intention, I make it about Charli.  Such was the case this past weekend.  I went to worship practice, struggled against almost constant thoughts that I can't sing well, I can't lead a band well, I...I...I... and then the deceiver threw in another wrench on my already over-tightened screw.  Instead of asking me if she could sing a song this week for offering, a team member had asked the pastor.  Something so petty, so unimportant, such a good reminder that this is a team effort - and yet I felt the feelings of being offended rear up.  I tried not to let it show and tried to speak encouragement, hoping my heart would follow fully. 

But it bothered me and niggled at me, even after I had gone home. Inside I warred against my own thoughts, because I knew it was a sin - it was offense, it was a trap set by the devil.  When my husband came home, I finally let it out - had to verbalize the warring within me.  Even as I spoke the words, I could hear how silly it all was and voiced that as well.  We got in the car to go somewhere and I sat watching the landscape pass by, while my "world" was frozen by the scene of sin in my life.  Tears began to fall and I looked to Ted and said, "I'm ashamed of my reaction and cannot help but think someone else should be leading worship, someone who is not so quick to make everything about her, someone who does not struggle as much as I do."

Ted quietly responded, "Maybe that is exactly what makes you the best person for the job right now - you see your sin, you are grieved by your sin."

But the tears didn't stop because I want so much better for Christ's bride.  So much better than I have to offer.  A sharp pain in my chest ached long after our conversation as we sat in the car.  Quietly I prayed and thanked God for the pain - for the reminder that my sin grieves Him.  I prayed, "More of You, Less of me," the pain was welcomed - maybe it signifies a little bit of death of Charli.

A day or two later, I read this quote by J.C. Ryle....

“Is your heart right? Then be humble and watchful. You are not yet in heaven, but in the world. You are in the body. The devil is near you, and never sleeps. Oh, keep your heart with all diligence! Watch and pray lest you fall into temptation. Ask Christ Himself to keep your heart for you. Ask Him to dwell in it, and reign in it, and garrison it, and to put down every enemy under His feet.”

Lord, keep my heart for me, because I am too often weakened by my own selfish desires.. Reign in it, garrison it, and put down every enemy under Your feet!

Wrong Reasons to Love the Church

I love how God speaks to me right when I need reminders to stay on a certain path! Yesterday, I came home from church feeling selfish...feeling alone...all about me.... I recognized that this thinking was all wrong - church should be all about HIM, so I've been praying through those destructive thoughts and trying to continue to die to self, so more of Him is in me....

Today I read this post from Joshua Harris and it was like His voice encouraging me to remember what church is about and my purpose there.....

Do you love the church? Romans 12:10 tells Christians to "Love one another with brotherly affection."

The affection and love we're to have for fellow-Christians is to be based on the work of Jesus Christ for us. It's not about elitism, it's not because Christians are better than anyone else, it certainly isn't because Christians are necessarily more lovable. We love the church because we love the Savior who redeemed the church.

Acts 20:28 tells us that Jesus obtained the church with his own blood. Is this what your love for the church is based on? If it's anything less, it won't last long.

* Don't love the church because of what it does for you. Because sooner or later it won't do enough.

* Don't love the church because of a leader. Because human leaders are fallible and will let you down.

* Don't love the church because of a program or a building or activities because all those things get old.

* Don't love the church because of a certain group of friends because friendships change and people move.

Love the church because of who shed his blood to obtain the church. Love the church because of who the church belongs to. Love the church because of who the church worships. Love the church because you love Jesus Christ and his glory. Love the church because Jesus is worthy and faithful and true. Love the church because Jesus loves the church.

Fall in Love in Four Minutes a Day

The timing was perfect for me to read a blog posted on Holy Experience.  This past week, I  was caught up in a daily battle with the accusations from the enemy that my husband doesn't hear me when I cry for help and that my existence is defined by the constant giving of myself to my children and husband.  The deceiver had me focused on society's cry of, "What about me?  When will someone take care of me?"

Thankfully, through prayer and continually turning to God, I began to hear His voice reminding me that He is my perfect husband, He is my perfect provider, He hears every cry I utter, and He responds to me perfectly - it may not be what I'm looking for, but I do believe that He gives me exactly what He knows I need to cause me to grow.   And He brought me back around to the conviction that focus on self leads to despair, whereas when I die to self and turn my focus onto loving others, my husband, my children, others, He grows in me.  He brought me back to my most oft uttered verse, "More of Him, less of me" from John 3:30.

So I read Ann's post and was challenged to focus on Love throughout each day.

Fall in Love in Four Minutes A Day

"It only takes four minutes a day to move into a deeper heart place. It only takes four minutes a day to connect in soul intimacy; to  breathe in oxygen for the other half of my heart. Don’t and I too begin to suffocate, the death heave. I wish someone had told me in the beginning.

Four Fixations

Four times a day think on love. When I leave the marriage bed, leave the front door, when  I return to front door, return to marriage bed.  These are the four critical archways of time in our day. Touch or whisper a sweet nothing when passing through these gate points, and we walk into hours of closeness. Forever love fixates like fresh love.

Four Embraces

Four times a day, wrap up in husband. Embrace fully and hold each other’s eyes. That’s all. Repeat four times daily. The one flesh breathes best when the skin pores are close; connected.

Four Affirmations

Four times during the day, thank him. For working faithfully to provide, for hanging up his towel, for putting gas in the van, for making this heart skip a wild beat. Look for the ways to thank him and watch how he moves closer."

I must admit, the past two days have been fun, trying to get in four hugs a day.  You wouldn't think that should be hard, but it is.    Giving my husband affirmations has also been something I've enjoyed doing - being on the lookout of what he does do for me each day, rather than focusing on the negative.  I must admit, I still need to work on the Four Fixations....personal habits and routines need to be unbroken and remade here - which is a little tougher for me, but I'm determined to try.

I have seen/felt how keeping a gratitude list has helped change my focus, although last week was a bump in that journey.  I see more beauty in the day, in the chaos, in the struggle.  So I'm excited to see where my marriage will be in a month or two as I continue to practice these outward disciplines.

To someday, look at my reflection and not see Charli, but Christ.....that will be heaven!

Multitude Mondays

335. time spent on Friday with my sister and her children...the hours flew by as we shared our hearts and laughter
336. the expression on Landon's face when I wiped out on the ice on our driveway
337. husband's heart for the body of believers we meet with
338. slush and pizza
339. acoustic worship...stress free and heartfelt
340. husband who pulls me out of the snowbank on icy Crocus Trail with only a few remarks
341. school...as hard as last week was for us, I know there is a comfort that comes from daily routine
342. my oldest sister's desire to be in the Word more...which leads to another thing I'm thankful for...
343. that she got assigned to a discussion group right away in BSF
344. chicken noodle soup
345. laughter....sound of kids running...
346. friends who pray for me, who encourage me, who talk sense into me
347. struggles

348. Jake spying a Sharp-shinned hawk near our feeders today
349. Little Dorritt by Charles Dickens...captivated our family this weekend
350. being silly...the "girls" poofing their hair Friday (Charissa's idea) (combing it out Saturday was no fun!)

351. Nate's excitment to have his own "real" bible

Home

Where thou art, that is home.

~Emily Dickinson

The same bird's nest, that in the spring, held precious eggs then baby birds then empty....How quickly our days are fleeting by....May I cherish the full nest I have this day!

Multitude Mondays

"The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest."

Thomas Moore

Irish poet (1779 - 1852)

210. zipping up coats, pulling snowpant legs over boots, adjusting sleeves over mittens
211. organizing mittens and hats
212. photo Christmas cards still hanging on the door
213. paying the bills and balancing the checkbook...thank you Father that you provide...grow us to be better stewards of what you've given us
214. "I don't want to do BSF" voiced by my littlest one, turned to smiles, head bent over pencil and paper, listening intently, "I guess I do...this is fun."
215. my 10 yr old, 8 yr old and 6 yr old crammed behind Dad's chair as they create and play
216. cold that stings the face
217. Maggie bouncing energetically through the snow

218. Jake's gift, from his siblings, earthen fort inside a fallen tree's roots...a place to hide, to imagine, to be awed by, to climb, to enjoy...all truly given to them all by our Creator

219. sleepless nights...waking with worries on my mind...directing me to count my blessings and to immerse myself in Him - the Word, which leads to peace and finds me curled in sleep on couch for the last few hours of early morning
220. hearing Jake play...how beautiful the guitar sings for him or the piano
221. seeing the look of determination on Isaiah's face during drum lessons....this is something he desperately wants - to play for God - then seeing the look of joy and excitment on his face as his teacher plays for him their next "fill" they will learn

222. a 13 year old who can still play with a pile of Mr. Potato Heads for 20 minutes
223. the sound of boots being stomped
224. thoughtfulness of children filling the my birdfeeders without my asking just because they know I enjoy looking out

225. oldest wanting to serve and make breakfast for all yesterday...what God teaches me in the midst of that as I look at waffle maker overflowing w/ mix and a messy kitchen afterward...focus on his heart, his longing to serve, to love...let the other stuff go...it's insignificant and uneternal
226. homemade snow ramps

227. sink full of crusted hot cocoa mugs
228. seeing the efforts my eldest is making to truly love his siblings more, to not just say it, but to live it
229. my oldest sister coming to BSF last night, praying that she enjoyed it and is excited to start, thankful for being able to have something to share with her
330. gathering of neighbors on Sunday night, many times I just watched everyone in awe at how fast time flies, how "young" our families were when we all moved onto Crocus Trail and seeing before my eyes how we've all grown and envisioning gatherings in years to come and what our families will look like then

331. Lukins family and their desire and commitment to grow alongside our family.....the study on Don't Check Your Brains at the Door with Noah and Joe
332.  saying "yes" to sledding even though my first instinct was to say no, seeing the joy and hearing the laughter at Dead Man's Hill with the Dysarts

333.  pushing Amy B. out of my driveway, 2 weeks in a row
334.  homemade gifts, what makes them truly beautiful is what is seen in the eye of the beholder, seeing the heart mixed with paint and yarn

Open Me

I've posted the lyrics to this song before, but it is just so beautiful. Last night I was listening to it again and I'm sharing it again today, with the music, because it describes me...my thoughts....my heart.


Would You open up eyes, so I can see
Would You open up my ears, so I can hear
Would You open up my mind, so I can know
Would You open up my heart, so could I love You more
I want to serve You, my God
I want to give You all of me
I want to serve You, my King, yeah
I want to serve You, my Lord
I want to give You everything, yeah

Would You open up eyes, so I can see
Would You open up my ears, so I can hear
Would You open up my mind, so I can know
Would You open up my heart, so could I love You more
I want to serve You, my God
I want to give You everything
I want to serve You, my King, yeah
I want to serve You, my Lord
I want to give You everything, yeah

Here I am with my arms open wide
Asking for You to come up, up inside
Won't You make me new, won't You make me true
Jesus, won't You make me like You, oh
Will You touch my eyes so I can see
Will You touch my ears so I can hear
Will You touch my mind so I can know
Will You touch my heart so I can love You more
Won't You open me
Won't You open me, open me
Won't You open me, open me
Won't You open me, open me
Won't You open me, open me

Gathering My Manna

I just love J.C. Ryle quotes! They are so challenging and simple. If you like them too, you can subscribe to them at  http://jcrylequotes.com/

“Read the Bible daily.

Make it part of every day’s business to read and meditate on some portion of God’s Word.

Gather your manna fresh every morning.

Choose your own seasons and hours.

Do not scramble over and hurry your reading.

Give your Bible the best, and not the worst, part of your time.

But whatever plan you pursue,

let it be a rule of your life to visit the throne of grace and the Bible every day.”

~ J.C. Ryle

Faith & Obedience

“As a soldier follows his general,

as the servant follows his master,

as the scholar follows his teacher,

as the sheep follows its shepherd,

so ought the professing Christian to follow Christ.

Faith and obedience are the leading marks of real followers,

and will always be seen in true believing Christians.

Their knowledge may be very small, and their infirmities very great;

their grace very weak, and their hope very dim.

But they believe what Christ says, and they strive to do what Christ commands.

Christianity like this, receives little praise from man.

It is too thorough, to decided, too strong, too real.

To serve Christ in name and form is easy work, and satisfies most people;

but to follow Him in faith demands more trouble

than the generality of men will take about their souls.

Laughter, ridicule, opposition, persecution are often the only reward

which Christ’s followers get from the world.”

~ J.C. Ryle

I was encouraged by this quote and I seem to latch onto any reminders that I don't have to have it all together.  The bolded part is a description of me - my knowledge is weak, my grace is small, but I long to have the last part said of me - that I believed and I strived to be obedient in all things!  I know in the past, I bought into the lie from the deceiver that I'm too much, too real, too open for people.  He still lays it at my heart when I feel like an outcast, but may it never change!  

Goal Making for the New Year

Don Whitney, author of Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian life, has ten good questions to ask at the start of the new year:

1. What's one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?
2. What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?
3. What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?
4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?
5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?
6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?
7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?
8. What's the most important way you will, by God's grace, try to make this year different from last year?
9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?
10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

I'm posting this today and then going to come back after prayerfully thinking on each question.

Expectations

This quote was shared with me by a dear friend and I've stuck it in my bible to be a constant reminder to me how quickly my passion for God's vision for the body of Christ can become a thing of pride and destroyer of that which I believe God has given me a deep love for and burden for....I've seen His grace grow in me because of these convicting words.

"He who loves his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of that latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial. God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself...When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure. When his ideal picture is destroyed, he sees the community going to smash. So he becomes, first an accuser of his brethren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself." ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Multitude Mondays

195. Christmas unlike any other...the love...the thankfulness for even the smallest gift...the family sharing of what's on one's heart...the best Christmas I've ever had as a mother

 196. precious time spent with friends and family over the past two weeks
197. break from all school responsibilities and piano - biblequizzing - youth group commitments
198. good Christian fiction...the draw of a good book...seeing kids sequestering themselves in quiet places to read themselves
199. the honor of being trusted with raw feelings from a friend, praying that I'll honor God in my responses and encouragement
200. challenging quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer and how it has convicted my heart, halted condemnation and criticism and grown grace in my life
201. Christmas season and the license to enjoy food - although now I'm paying for it
202. reoccurring reminders of how far I have to go to live the life of a Christ follower - reminded by my petty jealousies, my lack of praying blessings over situations that don't involve me, my verbal stones I like to throw, may it never be something that doesn't bring me to tears
203. the Word...became flesh...is sharper than any sword...guides me...encourages me...refreshes my soul
204. playing games...Buzzword, Euchre, Pinocle, Clue, James Bond, Spoons, Golf, Colorku
205. sleepovers...I'm definately reaching a new stage in life when I can't stay up later than the kids
206. grandparents...both left recently for Florida for lengthy stays...how we'll miss them and be praying they'll be safe, healthy and enjoy their warm weather (but not so much that they won't want to come back to Michigan!)

207. family...sisters, brothers, brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, nieces, nephews...our hearts shared and given to each other...how blessed we are to have them all, how blessed my children are to have them all to look to, to laugh with, to be challenged by
208. first shaving experiences for Jake & Isaiah - how their father's antics made it unforgettable

 209. traditions....my dad still reads 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to a couch full of children, although now it's not his children, but his grandchildren