Struggling today...

I seem overwhelmed today with the realization that I have so much to seek forgiveness for... I see my heart as no one else sees it and see pride, insecurity, self-importance, jealousy, idol worship, the struggle between wanting to rejoice in others praise without longing to hear my own praise and all these things creep into my daily life in little, seemingly, insignificant ways - but today they are bringing me to tears almost each minute. I'm humbled with my face on the ground this morning before God - wanting Him to know I see all my ugliness inside - I'm not blind to it - wanting Him to know I need Him to not give up on me and to continue to transform me, like refining silver....

As I cried and talked w/ God today - my last words were, "Lord - more of You, less of me...more of You, less of me." That is what it all come down to. I want those sins in my heart to die, so that He may live in me...so that His love will become my love - for my children, for my husband, my extended family, my friends, my neighbors.

“God is not a belief to which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimately, meet everyday, one whose strength becomes your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life of the presence of God long enough and when someone asks you, “Do you believe there is a God?” you may find yourself answering, “No, I do not believe there is a God. I know there is a God.” ~Ernest Boyer, Jr.