Blessings of BSF

Last night was our last BSF class for this year and I don't think it hit me until we were answering the last question in our discussion groups. Then I felt an ache in my chest and such a knot in my throat because I have grown to love the ladies in my discussion group and have looked forward to each week of gathering together and the expectation that God would show up in our midst.

I look back on this whole year, from the beginning when God was prompting me to evaluate what we chose to involve our kids in and fill our evenings with, I felt such conviction that I wanted to commit us to something as a family, but also to something that would grow us together in our walks w/ Him. Even with that conviction though, I still struggled with doubts of whether I was making the right decision as a parent for my children, or was I depriving them of "fun"/"normal" activities like Girl Scouts or soccer. The pressure to conform to this world is so strong. But God's blessing was on us from the beginning. After the first night, the kids enjoyed themselves so much, I couldn't help but whisper a prayer of thanks to God for encouraging me. We all looked forward to class and I don't think there was one week that anyone said, "Do we have to go to BSF?" My favorite time was on our car rides home and we would talk about what struck us that night or what we learned. It was another example of how God was at work because I had the chance to hear how God was touching my children's hearts and they heard how He was touching mine.
The passion of studying God's word and seeking Him would spill over into our daily lives as well. I would be aching to share the insights God revealed thru class to anyone who would listen and it became a habit that the day after BSF, my dear friend, Denise, would email and ask, "What'cha learn last night?" I'm constantly reminded of how God knit's and weaves our lives together, that God is creating a beautiful tapestry of my life - but what is more beautiful is that it is not just the story of my life, but the combined tapestry of all those in my life. God was at work in Denise's heart and we were all so excited when she made the decision to come to BSF w/ her kids as well! Jam 6 kids and 2 adults in a van and you can only imagine the fun to and from BSF! I believe in God's perfect timing and I look back over this past year and see God's provision to me, to my children, to Denise & her husband, and to her children through the teaching of BSF. Not only was God fueling the increased hunger in my heart, but I was a witness to how He was fueling and feeding the hunger in our close friends.
I believe part of the blessing that BSF has been to me this year, is due to the awesome discussion leader I had. Her love for the Lord was infectious and her humilty set the stage for our group to be at ease with one another and open. But it was when she would call me and ask about my life and then pray for me that I felt the most grateful. People often say (myself as well), "I'll be praying for you," but it is totally different to have someone actually do it with you. After the times she would pray for me on the phone, I'd feel such a peace and love that could only have been God's spirit working through her.

Last night, the image of 120 year old Moses climbing Mt. Nebo, God showing him the whole land that He was giving the Israelite nation, all the thoughts I imagine that must've been swirling through his mind - how God had saved him as a child, how He had been at work in Moses' living with the Pharoah's family, how He had been with him when he was confused about how he was to help the Israelites but had to flee from Egypt, all the years he lived as a simple shepherd with nothing grander to do than care for the animals, and then the rest of his life where a great God walked with him, led him, and became his friend as he was allowed to be a part of an unforgettable story. I imagine tears of thankfulness, a knot in his throat, and a weight in his chest - much like I felt last night. And in some ways, much like I did last night, I imagine Moses was replaying and overwhelmed with thankfulness for all that God had shown him and maybe a little sad that it was over.

But I think the Holy Spirit laid something on my heart last night that I did not catch as I did my assignment during the week. The words Moses used just before he died to praise the God of the Israelites in Deut. 33. He used words like "He dawned" "He shone" "He comes from 10,0000 holy ones (angels) with flaming fire in His right hand." "He loves" "He cares for them". And I realized that Moses had a more beautiful vision or journey ahead of him - he was ending a chapter of his life, but beginning another where he would be face to face with God - whose visible presence is beyond our comprehension. So he may have felt that knot, that weight, but then I believe he was filled with anticipation and joy at what was to come. And the Holy Spirit was telling me, "Charli - this time in BSF is done, but look ahead - knowing that the God who dawns and shines like light, is surrounded by 10,000 holy ones with flaming fire in His right hand, who loves and cares for you is not done with you yet. Look ahead with joyful anticipation of what He has yet to do in you and with you."