Multitude Mondays

Gratitude is spiritual warfare.

1003.  worship practice before church this last Sunday....teaching Cheyenne, Natalie & Barb the motions for Days of Elijah....laughing, out of breath, worshipping God with everything in us including our joy and smiles....how blessed I am by this team God has placed in my life to love
1004.  worshipping with the body on Sunday, doing the Days of Elijah with motions and catching everyone off guard, but God sending one white haired man to say to me afterward that everyone loved that song and he was wishing we'd do it again....thank you Lord for that encouragement..... it reminds me of 2 Samuel 6:22 "Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes."
1005.  our first night of teaching guitar to the Grice men....Jake G. made me crack up because once he got a chord, he'd announce, "Okay got it." and sit back to wait for his dad to catch up.. while Steve would just give us a look of desperation and say, "My fingers are retarded."  It was so much fun!  It brings back all my memories of when I began to play and how uncoordinated I felt and I remember thinking 'I'm never going to get this!'  I was determined to teach myself back in 2008 while the boys were on a mission trip for a week....when they came home I was so proud of what I'd done and made them sit me playing 2 songs (we videoed it and still laugh at it!)
1006.  gotta list being able to watch Addison on here....my children just love her!  Isaiah and Madeline are first in line to hold her at any moment, even under the threat of spit-up.  Jake and Nate are just fascinated with her tinyness, her sweetness and Ben can be counted on to sit next to her and keep her entertained, love also how she finds her thumb, rests her blanket against her cheek and falls asleep.

1007.  last night - having no one to spill the junk that was circling in my head out on - at first it made me more sad, but then I grabbed my bible and turned my attention off myself and onto Him, until I drifted off to sleep
1008.  husband who loves me
1009.  God-loving cousins for Jake and my children who model and come alongside them
1010.  Jake's desire to serve at T.E.C. and dropping him off Thursday night...seeing the insecurity in him....but also seeing the dying to self in him so God can use him on the Wheat Team
1011.  going out to Culver's after dropping off Jake with Charis & Steve....laughing....sharing heartaches....silly conversations about farts, "I Remember Mama", burping, puppets and fart spray
1012.  trying to save my seat for my quiet time by leaving my bible in my spot, only to come back in the room and see Annie curled around it anyway

1013.  Nate's sweet journal entries.....all about Addison

1014.  being with Bakers at co-op, giggling and laughing

1015.  friends sharing ticket to circus and having a girls' night out with them

1016.  going to TEC and being blessed by a room full of teenagers who are in LOVE with the Lord and show it to each other and being able to sing Days of Elijah with them
1017.  Jake, pure and simple, how he holds me at bay thru anger and then in a quiet moment, without my pushing, shares his struggles and how God speaks to him in it - so reminds me of myself....Lord, if it's possible make him stronger than I ever was
1018.  Noah going to TEC this time and Chaney, sweet Chaney, leading Jake on the Wheat Team, sharing her testimony snd how she desires everything to line up with God's will for her, even the difficult things that are painful to go through and her decision to not date.

1019.  HUB body having fun in their worship with motions for Days of Elijah.....so cool to see!
1020.  Nate's way of asking if he can feed Addison - "Can I milk her?"  made us all laugh

1021.  BSF....God's Word...time in van with kids and we're all talking about how good it is, how beautiful the Bible is
1022.  sweet neighbor friends and traditions....going out for each of our birthdays to someplace mexican, margeritas, and catching up - Happy Birthday Kristen!!  33 - You are a babe (as in young!)!!!!
1023.  having fun dressing a little one in outfits tooooo cute!!!

1024.  talking with boys about the foolishness of this world....dating in middle school & high school, so thankful they look to God's desire for them above anything else
1025.  God's Word....simply brings beauty into my life....This past week I've been soaking in Isaiah 40 vs 6-8

"A voice said, "Shout!"  I asked, "What should I shout?"  

"Shout that people are like the grass.  

Their beauty fades as quickly as the flowers of the field.  

The grass withers and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the Lord.  

And so it is with people. 

 The grass withers and the flowers fade, 

but the word of our God stands forever."

Who Do I Serve?

Sunday, our pastor started our worship time with this video.  So easily we forget who He is....who He has been throughout the generations.  He is the great I AM.

The Background

I love the lyrics to this song by Lecrae.  We may not be pop stars, but I find myself still being a "performer"....without knowing how I got there, I find myself "performing" and grieved by how quickly I can become the focus instead of Him.  Let me be a trail of stardust leading to the superstar!


I could play the background
I could play the background
'Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs (Aye)
I don't need my name in lights, (Aye) I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul?
And my ways ain't purified, don't live according to Your Word
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word to every dancer for a pop star
'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world would start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessin'
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact
I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar

I could play the background
I could play the background
'Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

Yo, I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All these folks who follow me, goin' end up in the wrong place
So just let me shadow you, just let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes
'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in You, 'cause I only trust in me
And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothin'
You pulled my card, I'm bluffin', You know what's in my hand
Me, I just roll and trust you, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control of nothing, follow You at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
And man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

I could play the background
I could play the background
'Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will, and trust Your Word
I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred
And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games
Got plenty aims, but do they really Glorify Your name?
And it's a shame, the way I want to do these things for You, yeet
Don't even cling to you, take time to sit and glean from You
It seems like You were patient in my ignorance
If ignorance is bliss, it's 'cause she never heard of this

I could play the background
I could play the background
'Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

Praising God

"Authentic worship is not about us, it's about Him."

~ Dr. David Jeremiah

Worship:

It's not about finding the perfect worship conditions....it's about praising God.

It's not about style - hymn or chorus...it's about praising God.

It's not about being off key, on key, loud or too quiet...it's about praising God.

It's not about the soundboard, the speakers, the microphones...it's about praising God.

It's not about who's on the platform and who's sitting in the pew...it's about praising God.

It's not about what you wear...it's about praising God.

It's not about church...it's about praising God.

 I am aware of this struggle all the time since I've been asked to lead worship at our church.  I don't ever want to forget, even for a second that it's not about us - but about Him.  I know I do forget, but I cry out these verses when I realize it....

(Phil 3)  ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

May my worship be a reflection of this constant dying to self and point others to Christ. 

Watch Over My Heart

This past weekend, Ted said I was having a heart attack, but what I know is that it was just intense, physical pain brought on by the awareness of how I fail Christ and the bride of Christ.  You see, God's led me to a place of leadership within our local body, a place I vehemently did not want to go, but I knew God wanted my obedience.  I often say, "I don't know what God is thinking having me lead worship", but time and time again I recognize that it has been a good place for me because it has heightened my awareness of pride vs humility.  Whenever God calls me from this ministry or God brings someone better equipped to lead this ministry, my prayer is that it will be said of me that, "It wasn't about Charli.  It was all about HIM."

That is my prayer, but to be honest, I'm repeatedly reminded that without intention, I make it about Charli.  Such was the case this past weekend.  I went to worship practice, struggled against almost constant thoughts that I can't sing well, I can't lead a band well, I...I...I... and then the deceiver threw in another wrench on my already over-tightened screw.  Instead of asking me if she could sing a song this week for offering, a team member had asked the pastor.  Something so petty, so unimportant, such a good reminder that this is a team effort - and yet I felt the feelings of being offended rear up.  I tried not to let it show and tried to speak encouragement, hoping my heart would follow fully. 

But it bothered me and niggled at me, even after I had gone home. Inside I warred against my own thoughts, because I knew it was a sin - it was offense, it was a trap set by the devil.  When my husband came home, I finally let it out - had to verbalize the warring within me.  Even as I spoke the words, I could hear how silly it all was and voiced that as well.  We got in the car to go somewhere and I sat watching the landscape pass by, while my "world" was frozen by the scene of sin in my life.  Tears began to fall and I looked to Ted and said, "I'm ashamed of my reaction and cannot help but think someone else should be leading worship, someone who is not so quick to make everything about her, someone who does not struggle as much as I do."

Ted quietly responded, "Maybe that is exactly what makes you the best person for the job right now - you see your sin, you are grieved by your sin."

But the tears didn't stop because I want so much better for Christ's bride.  So much better than I have to offer.  A sharp pain in my chest ached long after our conversation as we sat in the car.  Quietly I prayed and thanked God for the pain - for the reminder that my sin grieves Him.  I prayed, "More of You, Less of me," the pain was welcomed - maybe it signifies a little bit of death of Charli.

A day or two later, I read this quote by J.C. Ryle....

“Is your heart right? Then be humble and watchful. You are not yet in heaven, but in the world. You are in the body. The devil is near you, and never sleeps. Oh, keep your heart with all diligence! Watch and pray lest you fall into temptation. Ask Christ Himself to keep your heart for you. Ask Him to dwell in it, and reign in it, and garrison it, and to put down every enemy under His feet.”

Lord, keep my heart for me, because I am too often weakened by my own selfish desires.. Reign in it, garrison it, and put down every enemy under Your feet!